For my entire life, I have been overweight. Ever since I was a little kid I have struggled with my weight, as I got older I grew larger and larger. It started when I was younger than 10 years old, I would be so bad I would sneak snack food up to my bedroom to read and eat in bed. Around that time is when I started using food for comfort. 

I did not have the best experience growing up. It was not as bad as some people and there were some positive times, but there were definitely negative aspects as well. The biggest stressor for me was my relationship with my father. As a child, his presence was scary to me and caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. Also, I did not have many friends and the ones I had were not that close. 

Food became my comfort and best friend. I could always turn to food and it would be there for me, it allowed me to get away from my problems. I would lay on my bed eating and reading. I used food in that way for years and years. Food was my friend during a time when I did not have many friends, and it stuck around as a friend for a very long time. To this day, food still creeps in occasionally to say hi and pressures me to eat things that are not the best for me and to eat when I am not hungry. Food was a welcome but also unwelcome friend at the same time. 

Throughout the years there have been a few times when I have been able to lose some amount of weight. Once was when I was a senior in high school and I found myself following a low-carbohydrate diet and going to a gym about three days a week consistently. I lost 60 lbs in 3 months which was incredible! I got down to the lowest I had ever been as an adult. However, Thanksgiving came around and I made the (probably poor) decision to take a break from that diet “just for the holidays” and was never able to get back to that strict plan. That strict of a diet was probably not a good idea for the long term anyway, but I was sorry to stop losing weight, and actually started gaining weight again. I gained all the weight I lost and kept gaining.

Another time I had some success was on the Weight Watchers plan. I was able to lose a good amount of weight again, slowly, but eventually came off. I also was not doing it in the most healthy way, as I would follow the plan for the week and then after my weigh-in I would binge eat. I still do that a bit to today, I am “good” during the week and then do not follow a plan on the weekend. This is something I have realized and am in the process of correcting as I can see it is not healthy both mentally and physically.

Now, I am not too far down in weight from my highest ever. My relationship with food has changed somewhat dramatically from even 5 years ago. It is still a huge challenge for me though, but instead of food being a friend it is more of a habit or addiction. I have ups and downs but keep pushing forward day after day. I am determined to slowly lose this weight for good. I hope you will join me on this experience!